The cost of his heroics had begun to take a toll on him as he noticed the pain in his knees starting to seep deep into his bones like a cold sharp knife. Miles of rough terrain added to the pain, but he knew, he knew with every instinct in his mind that every second he gave into rest, she would slip further from his grasp, from his saving. There was no time to slow down, no time to get lazy. He will run and continue to run. As much as it hurt, he'd also jump, and jump with perfect form- less he give opportunity to those damn demons of the abyss to kill and end his pursuit. Fist in the air, left leg extended forward, back foot pointed to the ground; perfect form.

“I'm coming sweetie, hang in there… I'm coming” he whispers to himself as he musters every ounce of strength to propel himself forward across the field.


Slamming both feet into the grass, he grinds himself to a halt. It was only a matter of time before he'd see them. Creatures of the abyss, death incarnate, henchmen of pure evil…. Fucking turtles.

“Let's do this.”

Before they even knew he was there, he was in the air, and like a thousand times before, his trajectory would make his landing pad their demise. Under his feet, their shells crush as the soft bodies inside flatten into a nothingness. Again and again, he launches himself into the air and down again. They are everywhere.

A wave of primal release takes him over as he finishes off the last one screaming into the air, “AAAAARRGH!”

“What the fuck! Honey! Honey! Get the kids! This guy's lost it!”

Screams of panic erupt as families across the park frantically try and gather their belongings. Mario shakes his head from his murderous daze and observes the chaos around him. He catches the arm of a mother running past, “No need to panic! I have everything under control!”

She stares at him with fearful eyes and trembles quietly, “You, you just killed that entire family of turtles!”

“Ya! Damn straight! You're welcome!”

“You crushed them… In cold blood”

“Mame, I understand you are afraid. They would have killed us all! But don't you worry, I'm a plumber!”

“I… I don't know what that's suppose to mean!”

“They would have killed you! Killed all of you! Don't you see!? They're his henchmen! KOOPA! KOOPA's henchmen! He has the princess!”

The woman's husband grabs his wife's arm, “You leave her alone! I've called the police! They'll be here any second now!”

Mario nods with excitement, “Yes! Call the police! We need back up! This whole park is infested with those damn….HeeeeeAAAaaaaah!” – the word he was going for was “henchmen” before 30,000 volts of electricity surges through his body. The policeman behind grabs him by his red cap, slams him to the ground and proceeds to search his pockets.

“Wadda' we got here Sanchez?”

Officer Sanchez takes the clear ziploc bag from Mario's pants and holds it into the air for his partner to see, “Looks like this freak is juiced up on shrooms and… these star-shaped things.” He further examines it, “Yup, it's acid.”





One thought on “Henchmen

  1. What?! I love this so much!! Clarence! I was fully confused in the beginning! and thought “turtles” was a metaphor for like.. a man with arthritis?

    (You also kind of ruined Mario for me. Nice going. That was pretty much my fondest childhood memory) Yet I keep going back up and re-reading!

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